In Episode 529 of Fishing Without Bait, behavioral health therapist Jim Ellermeyer sits down with Producer Mike for a return to the fundamental ideas that have shaped the podcast through more than 500 episodes.

At the center of the conversation is a simple relationship between expectations and serenity:

“The greater your expectations, the lower your serenity. The lower your expectations, the greater your serenity.”

Jim and Mike explore the difference between setting rigid expectations and setting intentions. An expectation can turn life into a pass/fail exercise where anything short of a particular outcome feels like failure. An intention gives us direction while allowing us to remain present, curious, and responsive to what actually happens.

That leads to another question Mike asks himself: “What am I working so hard to get to?”

Jim's answer is equally simple: “There is no there.”

The conversation expands into emotional honesty and the ways people avoid uncomfortable truths. Jim challenges the automatic response of telling everyone we're “good” when we aren't—including situations where honesty with doctors, loved ones, recovery peers, or ourselves could make a meaningful difference.

They also discuss the 12-step idea that “it's our secrets that keep us sick,” the discomfort involved in confronting fears and resentments, and the tendency to keep “kicking the emotional can down the road” instead of dealing with what is immediately in front of us.

Mindfulness, as Jim and Mike describe it, isn't escaping daily life or spending hours in meditation. It is practical:

Paying attention on purpose.

It's pausing before reacting. Questioning assumptions. Making choices based on facts instead of beliefs. Recognizing how our words and actions affect others. And allowing our words to pass through three important gates:

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

The episode closes by returning to impermanence and non-attachment. Everything and everyone in our lives is shared with us temporarily. Rather than making life meaningless, that understanding can make the present more valuable.

We don't live by years, months, weeks, days, or hours.

We live by moments.

Make this one count.

Continue the Journey

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Joanna opens up about the experience of widowhood, the emotional isolation of grief, and the well-meaning things people say that often miss the mark. She discusses the importance of allowing yourself to fully feel emotions instead of hiding them, how friends and family supported her during suicidal ideation, and the ways grief reshaped her relationship with her daughter.

The conversation also explores:

How to support someone who is grieving without smothering them
Why “How are you?” can feel impossible to answer
Anger toward God, loved ones, and life itself
Trauma, emotional honesty, and parenting through grief
The balance between needing solitude and needing connection
Why every person experiences grief differently

Joanna also discusses her one-woman show Widow, which she is bringing to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and how storytelling can help teach people how to truly love and support those who are grieving.

Joanna’s work:

The Occasional Epiphany by Joanna Lowe
Cup A Joe Productions Facebook

Subscribe to Fishing Without Bait on your favorite podcast player.

Support us on Patreon for ad-free episodes:
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Pick up our book:
Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book